Life or something like it

So there went another day.
Another meal cooked
Another lot of washing dishes completed
Another floor tidied.
Another lesson taught.
Another wash put on.
Another lot of clothes put away.
Another set of ironing done…

And already my mind is on tomorrow .
can’t miss a beat.
And I’m feeling overwhelmed.
The kids are getting older and I’m finding myself counting the number of chicken pieces in the pot and eating less so it will suffice.
Then I find myself hungry in the night and wonder why.

For many more years ahead this will be the cycle of my life and I suddenly feel such a wish to reverse time and be back under my pink spotty duvet in my old room back at my mums with not a care in the world.

The world really was my oyster back then. I had plans of great things I wanted to accomplish of the person I wanted to be … I could do back flips I was well flexible and now I hear myself called an old fogey .
everything became so serious somewhere along the line .

I guess much of it is serious.
Raising a new generation is no joke I do have to try my hardest to be the best for them to train them to be the best of there generation. And while it might not have been the kind of dream I had back in the day, the truth is its probably the greatest thing I ever did. And by God is it hard.

Iv done a 9-5 job before and trust me that was minor to my sometimes 24/7 job I have now and it was sooo much less stressful.

I have to force myself to relax its that hard … All I can see is the dishes that need to be cleaned the floor that needs to be wiped the nose that needs to be blown and to get relaxed enough to have good conversation with kids, and play takes much mental effort coz I know when that’s finished I still got to do the rest of the stuff.

And many times we are the only ones who notice that our health is deteriorating… That we are feeling particular stressed or upset or angry… That something just ain’t right.

And there’s no one around to make it right for us. We r on our own…

Or so we think.

Allah never left us in the first place.
We might have wanted to be kid free for a few years but Allah planned for us otherwise. Maybe we wanted to start up something but our health failed us. Maybe money got sparse whatever it is, bottom line is He has the wisdom that we don’t.

We weren’t here to have it easy

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Analogy of life

Iife always seems so full there never seems like there’s enough time to achieve everything that u want many days, but heard a really nice example from a girl the other day . she said if u get a big pot and put a big stone in it and the smaller stones and then pebbles in it and then mud in it. The pot will look full u won’t think u can put anything else in it. But then try putting water in it and ull b surprised at how much water could fill through those cracks between the pebbles and stones . this is what life is like there are big things that take up time and smaller ones and everything needs its time but between all of that u will still have the pockets , these gems of time that if u want you can do amazing things with… Its up to you how u use them so be wise .

The man in the masjid

Assalamu alaikum

Iv been here in Makkah for ten years Alhamdulillah and i have seen this man in the Haram, some of u will definitely have seen him, he stands in the tawaf area walking slowly backwards amongst the throngs of people. He is an old man , fair, wide eyes , white thawb hat and shimag.

All he does is consistently give advice to everyone in the tawaf area.
He tells the men in ihram to uncover their right shoulders and the women to wear hijab properly and whatever he sees that he feels he can correct he advises on it.

I would avoid him because I thought he might b telling me to cover my eyes lol but from a distance I would always admire this man.

He had the guts to do what I have always found difficult.

He would amr bil ma’roof wa nahi anil munkar. He would order by what was known to be correct and admonish against what is not right.

Over the years I saw him less, but many times in my tawaf I would remember him, miss not seeing him and make dua for him.

Yesterday after not being at the Haram for ages I finally managed to go, and I remembered him and really wished to see him and made dua for him.

As I was leaving the masjid subhanallaah I see him coming to the Haram, he was in a wheelchair, he was looking well Alhamdulillah, he had a microphone attached and a speaker on his lap and was reciting Quran and we could all hear it from his speaker.

I was soooo happy to see him I had tears in my eyes I wanted to stop him to speak to him but I wasn’t sure if he would understand me properly (and maybe he would start admonishing me on loudspeaker lol)

I wanted him to know he was a legend to me. He is the guy I will talk to my grandchildren about.

The man who spends hours and hours of his time giving naseeha to people in the House of Allah, in good health or bad, walking or in a wheelchair, giving advice from what he has learnt of knowledge,
and his face would have a glow.

I don’t know why I love this old man, I can’t control it. I pray its because Allah loves him and the angels love him and so the people love him.

He inspires me.

The next time a woman with perfume sits next to me in the masjid I hope I have the guts to tell her it smells nice hun but men shouldn’t smell it.

Or maybe the next time I’m in a gathering and someone backbites I should try n change the subject and say we don’t want to fall into sin.

Or the next time someone prays next to me and they are uncovered that I have the guts to advise them to at least the basics.

It’s not worth having the good grace of the people if it comes at the cost of Allah happiness.

May Allah raise our ranks and the ranks of that man in the masjid and forgive all our sins and his sins and accept all our ibadah and his ibadah.

And may Allah make us like the man in the masjid who is brave enough to try to correct what he knows is wrong and who tries to help people do their ibadah the right way.

The great days

Assalamualaikum

I hope your all doing well. Dhul hijja is nearly upon us and I know it doesn’t feel nearly as exciting as it did when the last ten nights of ramadhan came. The buzz is not there and while your just getting back from holidays or activities with kids in these last weeks of summer hols, you might not be getting round to opening those videos on the awsomness of these days or getting to the end if reading those long messages about all the good things u should try and cram in.

So to make a long story short, these days and what you do in them could impact the next year for you InshaAllah, so make some time in the next ten days for some extra salah, Quran, duas, thikr, and trying to fix some things that u know u need to work on. ( eg less time wasting, less getting angry, less spying in next doors runner beans ( what??? , ignore that!))

And if u have kids spend some time talking to them about how they can grow to be great people, about how they need Allah and how they are never too younger to make dua.)

May Allah make accept all your efforts InshaAllah.

Love you .

Becoming a better mum

All of us are on this constant journey of life ever trying to improve ourselves. So my most pressing thing that I’ve wanted to change about myself ( for some years now) is the fact that i quickly lose patience with my children.
As they have grown i can see my deficiency manifesting in them and i have had it ( quite rightly, although usually bitterly) pointed out to me that they behave in this way because of my own downfall.
I snap, i shout, i use sharp words and a harsh tone.
I’m ashamed but i console myself as i don’t hit. ( i have changed this earlier on in my life)
But i have never found a way to change this till now.
Sheer will power wasnt enough because my reactions had become habitual.
I did it without a thought and then felt guilty afterward.

So what has changed?

Alhamdulillah i love pinterest. I came across an article about a mother who was constantly snapping at her middle child and used visual aids to help her break her habit. She used a number of hair ties on her wrist that she would move over to the other hand if she erred, and each time she erred she would have to do 5 acts of positive parenting ( eg hug your child, tell your child they are very special, ask them how they feel, play a game with them. Etc) to make up for it.

So i tried it.
I’ve opted for a pretty hair tie on my left wrist. I decided that one was quite enough and that it didn’t matter that my issue was the same with all my children.
3 days in and I’m amazed.

Alhamdulillah.

The visual aid is working it reminds me to keep calm, take a breath before i speak, dont raise my voice and repeat the instruction patiently.
My children have noticed a change.I feel happier and so do they.They are more content and less upset and angry.

It feels like the first steps in a new chapter but i like how its going. If i can do this till the end of Ramadan it should become a habit by then, Inshallah.

Rubyjay

Hifth edit part 2

I would (and still do) often find that Shaytan starts whispering to me as soon as I begin my salaah .I’d remember everything I had forgotten as soon as I start salah, and get all these amazing ideas and feel like grabbing a pen a writing then before I forgot, or I would feel that I’d left the food on high temperature and it would burn, even if I hadn’t, and I just really found it hard to get any kushu it was really bad.

I was worried I had started hifth but I hadn’t corrected my salah of faults first. I was worried that I may have started things in the wrong order.

So one day in my salah I had this thought that my salah is so faulted with all these things and so I decided to try reciting something from my new hifth in my salah. I only managed a few ayaat before I got stuck, but the concentration in those few verses were the best concentration I had had for ages, for a few moments I forgot all of the whisperings that I usually had and I was just using my brain to make out the words I had seen in the Quran. Many times since, I have tried using new texts from the Quran to help me build kushu in my salah.
So my advice to you is that if you are particularly keen to start reading and memorising the Quran more then don’t let Shaytan deceive you to think you have to concentrate on other things first because it may be through this that Allah is going to help you in other aspects of your deen. Never put off a good thing that you can do because there is another thing that you don’t do. For example don’t say oh I’m not going to fast or wear hijab because I don’t even pray my salah regularly . I’m not saying fasting or wearing hijab is more important than salah, it’s not, but two wrongs don’t make a right.

Islam doesn’t work like that just whatever it is start it for the sake of Allah so long as it is in agreement with the Quran and Sunnah. You will find Allah will make you find a path to do things you didn’t think we’re possible.

InshaAllah it will bring you closer to Allah and and the things you found hard slowly your heart will start loving them.

I won’t lie to you there are many days that I still don’t manage to tick the boxes, but for a while now it has stopped being about the colours on the page but rather the feeling of something missing in my heart. It might not happen overnight that your heart will love praying Quran and memorising, but this Ramadhan, try and build that relationship with the Quran so that by the end of Ramadan you just want the Quran in your life everyday.
The people who are able to memorise the Quran, they have been honoured by Allah because the Quran in itself is a thing of such immense weight.

So do not expect that if you start this journey for the sake of Allah that you will remain the person you are now.

As you memorise more ayaat, Allah will transform you into a person worthy of carrying his words.
You will notice it in small things like realising when you have committed a thing that has transgressed against what Allah loves. It may be a simple thing like too much socialising or time wasting but your heart will not be still and it will have a direct effect on your memorisation and you will only find peace through seeking forgiveness and reading Qur’an, and slowly you will start leaving these things because you won’t be able to bear not being able to be blessed with the Quran.
Even the natural mood swings that you have in your cycle I have not yet found a single thing which can calm them  except reading Quran.

When I am feeling lazy in the morning, if I decide to read Quran before working my way through the to- do list then it gives me so much more barakah and helps to get my mind ready for the tasks of the day.
Seriously I think I could go on and on but I’m afraid its probably already too long. I just wish I could make each of your hearts feel the way I do about memorising and reading the Quran.
Only Allah can do that.
I just pray Allah gives you the strength this Ramadan to make the Quran a companion for yourself and a light for your heart and helps you to become his own choice of beautiful through it.

The Hifth edit

Most articles I’ve ever read of hifth have told me about peoples persistence, their plans of action, the way they memorise new and old hifth, and how to complete the Quran based on these plans of action. Those stories inspire me very much but my own story is very different.
I have not yet finished memorising the Quran, I have a long way to go, and for many years I had this problem where I would cover so much Quran in one month and then it would plummet to zilch, nada, zero for the next 6 months.
This happened a few times to me, but that wish to memorise was still inside and when I would hear that someone had completed the memorisation of the Quran, or a number of chapters, then that wish inside me would be re-awakened and again I would start memorising.
I was never a particularly organised person; I didn’t really understand the art of planning, I loved making lists (and then losing them).
So slowly through reading other peoples articles and doing some research, it dawned on me that I had never tried planning my hifth. I would always jump in headfirst when I was at a particular peak of passion, and then it would fizzle out.
So I planned.
I kept it simple with a tracker, just a box to tick if I had learnt even one new ayah and a box to tick for something I had revised. I bought a notebook and a set of steadler fineliner pens ( there must be some form of spending when one starts such important things in life and coloured pens really are a necessity in my opinion, for life, in general.lol)  and drew up my tracker. I even added a few extra rows and added a few daily house chores like clean toilet and sink (not that i never clean them) just so that I could become more regular, and lo and behold, SubhanAllah, it started working. Initially I was adamant I would not have an ugly gap in my row of pretty coloured boxes.(see how subtly Shaytan tries to make your intentions change, your meant to be doing hifth for the sake of Allah but all of a sudden ticking boxes in different colours is so important, be vigilant my friends, if Shaytan can’t stop a good thing he will try and make it as less of a good thing as possible)

So I kept it up, little but often, and I found that through my intentions to learn the Quran, Allah helped me to keep my house more clean and organised.

Slowly new trackers came as old ones became habits, and I found that my Quran, my house and the state of my mind were all becoming stable, Alhamdulillah.
I truly believe that planning and making your intention to learn Quran for the sake of Allah will result in Allah helping and giving you the strength and skills that you need to face your own problems in life.

Then my Quran started suffering because my sleeping schedule was all over the place, caused by late nights out or kids being ill or children sleeping and waking and napping at different times, honestly it was just mayhem.
So I made dua, I needed stability. I really wanted to do hifth but I knew I wasnt going to get far unless the current situation changed drastically.
The local nursery closed down and since I had a child of the same age I decided to start running it at mine.

I don’t know why I made all these huge decisions I just knew in my heart that if I was under the pressure of having a nursery at my place it would make me wake up at a certain time, and help me and my toddler get into some kind of routine and this would hopefully mean I would become more regular with my Quran.
Subhanallah it really worked, the early mornings(well earlier than usual anyway) we were up, and Allah put barakah in our time and my Quran reading and hifth flourished, and my house was more clean and tidy than before, and my sleep wake pattern was becoming more stable. I believe all the things Allah taught me and gave me were an outcome of my wish to do hifth. He shut down a nursery to give me an opportunity to become closer to the Quran, it is not a coincidence, nothing it outside the power of Allah.
Allah knew what I needed in order to get going with my Quran, and I simply followed His plan and He truly is the best of planners.
If you start your hifth with the clear intention of doing this to please Allah to make yourself a better slave, Allah is going to illuminate the obstacles in your way, he is going to train you and make you more accomplished in whatever it is that holds you back. Don’t worry about whats stopping you, just start, Allah is with you and if you persist he isn’t going to let you down.
I would(and still do) often get

The rest is coming …