I would (and still do) often find that Shaytan starts whispering to me as soon as I begin my salaah .I’d remember everything I had forgotten as soon as I start salah, and get all these amazing ideas and feel like grabbing a pen a writing then before I forgot, or I would feel that I’d left the food on high temperature and it would burn, even if I hadn’t, and I just really found it hard to get any kushu it was really bad.
I was worried I had started hifth but I hadn’t corrected my salah of faults first. I was worried that I may have started things in the wrong order.
So one day in my salah I had this thought that my salah is so faulted with all these things and so I decided to try reciting something from my new hifth in my salah. I only managed a few ayaat before I got stuck, but the concentration in those few verses were the best concentration I had had for ages, for a few moments I forgot all of the whisperings that I usually had and I was just using my brain to make out the words I had seen in the Quran. Many times since, I have tried using new texts from the Quran to help me build kushu in my salah.
So my advice to you is that if you are particularly keen to start reading and memorising the Quran more then don’t let Shaytan deceive you to think you have to concentrate on other things first because it may be through this that Allah is going to help you in other aspects of your deen. Never put off a good thing that you can do because there is another thing that you don’t do. For example don’t say oh I’m not going to fast or wear hijab because I don’t even pray my salah regularly . I’m not saying fasting or wearing hijab is more important than salah, it’s not, but two wrongs don’t make a right.
Islam doesn’t work like that just whatever it is start it for the sake of Allah so long as it is in agreement with the Quran and Sunnah. You will find Allah will make you find a path to do things you didn’t think we’re possible.
InshaAllah it will bring you closer to Allah and and the things you found hard slowly your heart will start loving them.
I won’t lie to you there are many days that I still don’t manage to tick the boxes, but for a while now it has stopped being about the colours on the page but rather the feeling of something missing in my heart. It might not happen overnight that your heart will love praying Quran and memorising, but this Ramadhan, try and build that relationship with the Quran so that by the end of Ramadan you just want the Quran in your life everyday.
The people who are able to memorise the Quran, they have been honoured by Allah because the Quran in itself is a thing of such immense weight.
So do not expect that if you start this journey for the sake of Allah that you will remain the person you are now.
As you memorise more ayaat, Allah will transform you into a person worthy of carrying his words.
You will notice it in small things like realising when you have committed a thing that has transgressed against what Allah loves. It may be a simple thing like too much socialising or time wasting but your heart will not be still and it will have a direct effect on your memorisation and you will only find peace through seeking forgiveness and reading Qur’an, and slowly you will start leaving these things because you won’t be able to bear not being able to be blessed with the Quran.
Even the natural mood swings that you have in your cycle I have not yet found a single thing which can calm them except reading Quran.
When I am feeling lazy in the morning, if I decide to read Quran before working my way through the to- do list then it gives me so much more barakah and helps to get my mind ready for the tasks of the day.
Seriously I think I could go on and on but I’m afraid its probably already too long. I just wish I could make each of your hearts feel the way I do about memorising and reading the Quran.
Only Allah can do that.
I just pray Allah gives you the strength this Ramadan to make the Quran a companion for yourself and a light for your heart and helps you to become his own choice of beautiful through it.